better than me

"Better Than Me"-Hinder

I think you can do much better than me

After all the lies that I made you believe

Guilt kicks in and I start to see

The edge of the bed

Where your nightgown used to be

I told myself I won't miss you

But I remember

What it feels like beside you

I really miss your hair in my face

And the way your innocence tastes

And I think you should know this

You deserve much better than me

While looking through your old box of notes

I found those pictures I took

That you were looking for

If there's one memory I don't want to lose

That time at the mall

You and me in the dressing room

I told myself I won't miss you

But I remember

What it feels like beside you

I really miss your hair in my face

And the way your innocence tastes

And I think you should know this

You deserve much better than me

The bed I'm lying in is getting colder

Wish I never would've said it's over

And I can't pretend...

I won't think about you when I'm older

Cause we never really had our closure

This can't be the end

I really miss your hair in my face

And the way your innocence tastes

And I think you should know this

You deserve much better than me

I really miss your hair in my face

And the way your innocence tastes

And I think you should know this

You deserve much better than me

its about 1 oclock in the moning and i couldnt sleep and so i was crusing around with out anything to do . when i get home i get this text.

m (not using names lol) : hey i know its late but i was thinking of u when this song came on better than me by hinder. listen to it.

i didnt want to listen to it at first i actually wanted to ignore the fact that he texted me at all ..and i reeeeeaally wanted to ignore the fact that he said he was thinking of me ..

but i ended up listening to it . and i broke down . what does he even expect from me . to be okay that he was thinking of me while he was listening to a song about missing someone and how you wish you were still together .

i dont know why i still let things like this affect me. it shouldnt. but now that were "friends" again its getting harder to ignore the fact that everytime i look at him i still get the same feeling as i used to. or that his smile is still enough to make my stomach feel like it jumped out of my body and send chills up my spine . or how he can make me laugh just by sasying the simplest things. or how we can just sit there and just look at eachother and know what eachother are thinking. all the things i shouldnt be feeling anymore. he makes things so difficult . i feel like im over all of it . but when it comes down to it . those feelings are still there . and its gna take so much more for all of it to go away .

blah back to college apps .

i just had to vent somewhere ..

and with my pathetic life i turn here .

great life .

and its just one of those nights

She wants him. She can't deny it. She's just so confused

because when she thinks back to the day he

shattered her, she trembles at the thought of feeling like that again.

& i just cant put into words how i feel

so here are quotes that do :

What's worse than being blindly in love with a guy and not seeing what he really is, is being head over heels in love with a guy and seeing him for exactly what he really is. The asshole, the cheater, the guy who breaks your heart over and over again and still loving him, and not being able to get over him.

No one deserves to be treated that way. So even if you love him with your entire heart, with every fiber of your being, with so much passion that it hurts to think about it, you need to forget what you want and remember what you deserve.

Don't expect her to hang around much longer.You can't keep leading her on and then going backTo that other girl you know is going to break you.She deserves to be more than second best becauseShe has feelings of her own and a heart that'sgoing to shatter over your "mistakes"

The truth is, I've never just been liked, loved, needed. I've only ever been used, They pulled me in and made me believe that they cared, when really, really it was only when the time was convenient for them that they were there in the first place. When they were feeling lonely, when their significant-fucking-other wasn't around, I was the one turned to. And I'm fucking sick of it.
I can't forgive you, I can't be your friend. Because you're always going to pretend you care and then leave me lonely and in pieces.


&heres one for laughs :

My names in your mouth, but to me, you aint nothing. So be a good whore and go suck something.

people suck . and it hurts more than you know .

i saw them together for the first time

i think my heart broke even more .









god this sucks .

bye bye summer 09

so this is it .. the end of summer .. this summer has definitely had its ups and downs .
and i can honestly say that over the past two months .. ive definitely mellowed out and and have pretty much matured all together .. ive learned a lot about myself and about others . ive learned its hard to trust others and that when you do you cant trust your whole self with one person .
ive definitely been broken this summer . actually ive been broken and beaten while i was down .
it was one of the hardest things for me to go through . and it still is . slowly but surely it will get easier . there are those days when things get hard and i still feel like breaking down . but i remember talking to my favorite little fortune cookie , my very own therapist , and all the things that she said . i even saved some of our convos on the computer just so i could read them while im down .
Nicole Roque : just know it was because you werent good enough
Nicole Roque : youre more than good enough .

Nicole Roque : its true that sometimes you have to go through the hardest lessons in order for us to feel true happiness when we find it.
Nicole Roque : the greatest revenge is happiness

thanks nicole . you helped a lot on those late lonely nights. well .. late here bc of the time difference ..
things are defiitely hard right now . but i have faith that one guy will come along . and hell be the one to treat me right and be the one to make me feeel beautiful inside and out (:

anyways .. on to better things
JULY 11 2009 - AUGUST 11 2009
best month of my lifee . ive spent all this time with my trio and i wouldnt have had it any other way (: we did so much . from bumming around to shopping karaoke-ing and camping san fran and nicoles birthday. woooow looking back we did a lot . you girls are honestly the best. youre both the most chill most everything girls ever . without you guys .. i think i would have gone crazy this summer . you both kept me together . and you both helped me grow as a person . and i miss you guys like crazy .. thank god for skype (:
haha .

well this is it . summers coming to a close .. its cutting close to midnight .. 1121 to be exact so i better finish this now lol

senior year is upon us now . and i have a feeeling this year is going to be crazy .
positive : finish this year and its peace out chicago hopefully .

soo thanks summer .
even though youve dealt me some bad cards .. ive learned so much and ive grown . and even through all those bad times ive had the best times (: and ill never forget them .
its been good . the best actually .
alright peace out summer .
there will never be another one like it .

....

Sometimes, I wonder how he could have lied all that time; how he could look me in the eyes and tell me he cared about me, knowing he didn't. Then, I wonder why I didn't see it. I have never believed someone as much as I believed you. I never want to be that blind again. but still .. i care about him .. Because, even though he hurt me, and he made me cry, and yeah, I'll admit he lead me on, I still like him. I still want him with everything I can muster up and I believe that must mean something.


dear asshole.
leave me alone .

dear heart.
stop caring.

sogay.

hmmm .. late night rambles or early morning thoughts ..

hmmmmm ... i dont really know what to do ..
its like 12 here in chicagooo ..
and i cant sleep ... yet again ..
everytime i try to sleep i just lay there and think ..
and it just makes me stay awake ... forever .
until i finally knock out prbly around 4 ... then i just sleep the day away
soo i thought maybe i should just put my thoughts down somewhereee
and so here i am ...

hmmm
so today was book pickup at school ..

*sigh* school is slowly but surely finding its way back into my life ... what.a.bummer.
i have to remind myself to write my goobye letter to summer ..
haha sounds gay i know ..
but its a thing ive been doing sinceee .. middle school .
i write down all the things that i did that summer and all the things ive learned during summer .
and then i have an end of the summer bonfire .. and i burn it . idk why i do it ... but its just something you do . ive always wished i saved copied of them .. so i can remember better but i never do .. so i thought maybe i should write it on here . and itll be saved forever .. haha
but thats for a later time ..

speaking of school . that brings me to another depressing topic lol
i have to talk to jerk of the year soon . bc we need to get our shit together for freshmen orientation ... *sigh* it really sucks .. bc even hearing his voice brings back memories ..
memories that i wish would stay away forever .. its been bothering me forever .. this feeling
of being rejected and not wanted . and the feeling of being lied to .. i think thats what keeps me up at night most .. the memories of him saying all these things to me .. was he just lying to me ?
stringing me along .. waiting for me to put all my trust in him .. to trust he wouldnt hurt me and what does he do ? .. not once but twice .. and with the same girl .. i guesss ill never learn .. i really did want to believe that he was different from everyone else .. the one who would change everythinggg .. and just give me that high school romance ive always wanted . but ive pretty much given that dream up seeing as i have only a year left in high school and everyone sucks ..
he didnt suck at first though .. he was everything and more .. sweet smart didnt party too much . and he genuinely cared for me .. well at least i hope so . i hope he wasnt lying when he said all those incredibly sweet things to me .. sometimes when he decides to call me at night .. i really want to answer and just hope the same goofy dorky caring boy that i .. loved ? (idk) would be there .. and of course im disappointed everytime ..


thats it .
enough for my rambles .
off to try and sleep ...
hopefully i can sleep in peace now .
<3

who knew i wwould write in this thing so soon ..

i guess thats what happens when shit happens and you have no one else to talk to
you turn to online blogs ... great .

why must girls always cause so much drama ..
... even my own best friends ??
guess people really do change when youre gone for that long .

never have i ever ...
felt this alone beforee .

blah .

first blog everrrr

okay soooo ... not really sure whats going on or what the hell im doing sooo ..
yepppp ..
dont ask me how i named this or anything to do with this blog
haha i basically just put my itunes on shuffle and started playing songs
and named everything to the song that was playing ... haha
leeeets seee i was gna upload pictures from nicoles birthday but they seemed to have disappeard from my laptop ...

kbye